Have you ever celebrated like a madman when you found out one of your friends broke up with his or her significant other?
Maybe the ex was a control freak who exploded every time your friend went out without her. Or maybe you know a girl whose boyfriend was jealous every time she was seen talking to a guy and demanded she stopped even looking at other guys.
Let’s take it a bit further. What if the ex was an extreme racist who openly spouted racial slurs?
“Wow, you dodged a bullet,” would be your response right before you let out three cheers.
Deal breakers should be thought out and looked out for in not only dating situations but with our friends and even business relationships too.
These are extreme examples of deal breakers but you can get a lot more granular.
For instance, I’m very careful when it comes to who I take on as a customer for my business. It being a service business, I have to know they’re realistic about their expectations and don’t demand my constant attention unless it’s essential for normal operations. Demanding and unrealistic clients eat up more of my time while giving me more stress than less needy clients.
When I jump on a call with a new prospect, I’m looking for potential deal breakers.
I make sure their personalities fit well with mine since we’ll be communicating fairly often. Are they friendly or do they give off a demanding vibe?
I also make sure their business is the type that I am confident I can help improve. Some businesses just aren’t right for my services so taking them on will lead to disappointment from both parties in the end.
If I skip this disqualification process and end up taking a client who isn’t a good fit, I waste their time and money, plus I receive plenty of headaches along the way.
As for relationships, I couldn’t date a girl who was over-attached and completely dependent on me for her own happiness.
Another deal breaker for me is excessive jealousy. I won’t lie, I get jealous sometimes and small doses is normal, cute even, but if it gets to the point where there’s blame, false accusations, and passive aggression flying around then there’s no future there.
Looking forward a bit, if I were in a relationship with a girl who had any of the above deal breakers then I’d grow to resent her and it’d negatively impact the entire relationship. The breakup would be messy.
Knowing what your deal breakers are helps you figure out what you value most so you can actively seek those traits.
In my friends, I value humor, banter, a certain level of outgoing energy, and a carefree attitude. I have fun and enjoy myself around these types a lot more than a brooding shut-in.
In my relationships, I look for confidence, depth, intelligence, wit, humor, independence, and a hint of quirkiness. Women who share these qualities attract me instantly and we tend to get along really well.
Disqualifying people can be ruthless, but you’re doing yourself and the other person a huge favor by saving time and avoiding long-term discontent.
No one’s perfect, that much is obvious, and looking for someone who is would be like hunting for a unicorn. But it’s not about looking for perfect people in an imperfect world.
It’s about having standards, knowing what you want, and being firm about what you won’t tolerate.
If you settle in any part of your life then you’ll never be satisfied.
Set the bar high and disqualify.