Believe it or not, I used to be a nervous wreck anytime I had to shake a new hand or say hi to someone I didn’t already know.
It was common back in middle school to read books as a class. The teacher would choose someone by random to read a paragraph out loud.
I literally used to pray to a higher power that my teacher wouldn’t pick me. In my mind, the moment I opened my mouth would be when everyone would turn their heads to look at me. Attention from others was the scariest thing in the world back then.
If a stranger so much as looked in my general direction, blood would rush up my face and turn my cheeks bright red. Naturally, I tried to avoid drawing attention to myself or being seen whenever possible.
What it all came down to, though, was the realization that I was behaving this way not because of what others have actually done or said, but because I was making 1,000 assumptions about what they could be thinking.
Say the wrong thing and this person will think I’m an idiot. Walk by that group over there and they’ll snicker at the way I walk or how I smell. Try to make a joke and everyone will think I’m a tool.
These were all thoughts that would cross my mind on a daily basis and kept me in a shell.
Until I realized one day that people aren’t that cruel. Douchebags and assholes do exist, but for the most part, strangers don’t walk around looking to judge others.
All of the worries in my head were imaginary and I was feeding into my own fear based off absolutely nothing.
To prove it to myself, all I had to do was ask myself how often I went around judging others. How often did I ridicule someone for the way they walked or talked?
Close to never (oh come on, we all slip every now and then).
We take social risks each time we establish eye contact, shake a hand, or open our mouths to make a comment, but it’s those risks that allow us to create new friendships and grow them.
It’s how we find best friends and how we go on dates with new people we’re interested in.
Great friendships really are the best thing in life in my opinion. And you already know the best things in life don’t come easy.
No one’s watching your every move and just hoping you mess up so they can point and laugh. To even believe that everyone hangs on your every move is actually a bit conceited, don’t you think?
We’re all worrying about ourselves and how others view us. There’s no time to judge everyone else.
You’ve got this!
Great read. This hit home for me in many ways. Thank you.
Glad it connected!
Oh my God ,it is so true . We do not live for others . We have to live to the fullest even it is not someone’s business to judge us and vice versa . Other day I posted a video telling the whole world what happened on some particular day ,how some body followed me all the way to my home to recommend his book for XII grade students when I recommended other one which I thought was more suitable and covered so many new illustrations . These people were threatening me as well . But long story short . It is not a big issue ,go with the crowd when required . I changed the book as I thought to be safe is better than recommending a particular book .
Do you believe an essential reason behind our fear and self-consciousness is because we tend to believe we are noticed more than we really are. Also known as spotlight effect, especially due to the growing usage of social media.
Yep! Someone actually brought up the spotlight effect a couple weeks ago too! I probably should’ve mentioned it by name at some point, heh.
Here’s a question.
No one is able to satisfy or please everyone in this world, therefore we should prevent ourselves stressing over how people will judge our actions. But what if the people we cared about are judging us? i.e family, friends, etc. People we tend to respect but are not in out shoes nor understand our lifestyle?
🙁
Doesn’t matter, in my opinion. Love my family to death, but they didn’t understand what I was trying to accomplish when I first started out. Went out and did it anyway.
Today, my entire mother’s side of the family still has no idea I dropped out of college three years ago and they just found out I own a business two months ago, even though I’ve been running the business for almost 14 months.
You’ve gotta do what you think will make your life the most satisfying. It’s not up to your family and friends to decide for you. Best they can do is voice their opinions and help you consider points you may not have in the past. Anything beyond that is on you.
Agree, tremendously. A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.
Will take our words for sure.
Your accomplishments are formidable and aspiring. Will continue to reference you as an inspiring source to be imitated
Hey Vincent
You really nailed this. The other truth is every one is so busy worrying that you are judging them, they have no time to judge you.
Exactly!
Yes, people are judging you every second.
Be perfect or die
This article, like so many others of yours, was both very relatable as well as helpful! Thanks! 🙂
I’m trying to understand that even if people criticize me, it is not to my best interests to criticize them.
Yet, I feel attacked . . . but crippled in trying to not attack back.
People have judged my every move I make. For example they would say what I did is annoying and then judge me for how I do things. Like say that’s not what I do and it happened a lot. They thought what I did was “interesting” and would judge me because I like to be alone and away from people. Judge me for being quiet. How I put my butter in the fridge. What I threw away. How is that not judging some ones every move? I got judged for getting startled easily. What food I make buy and cook it and it wasn’t just my roommates but it happens every time I hang out with people. My family does the same thing. I was judged a lot and the list goes on and on. If this isn’t that then what is it?
You made me feel guilty and over think about the things I try to make conversation about when,small talk with the quiet fiance
I am getting judged for every move I make because people judged me when they were my roommates. They judged me for what food I buy,how I cook it, how I talk,act, what I threw away, how I put the butter in the fridge, when I got startled easily, tell me how I annoying I am, the faces I make, being alone, how quiet I am, my family did, people at work and people at school. The list goes on and on. I don’t know what makes people do this but it’s pathetic.