Nothing good comes out of beating around the bush.
To sugarcoat the truth is to do a disservice for the person who is on the receiving end.
Just like how I write my articles on this very website, I don’t believe in secrecy and avoiding the cold, brutal facts when it comes to sharing personal perspective.
A good friend of mine is currently beating himself up over a girl who doesn’t like him back.
He knows there’s no chance they’re going to get together. She told him this. She told me this.
But he persists and holds on to the ledge with his fingertips. Hoping that he can somehow change her mind.
He doesn’t want to acknowledge that she doesn’t reciprocate his feelings so he can move on. He’d rather continue self-loathing and potentially miss out on meeting another amazing girl who’s a better match for him and will love him more than he thought was possible.
Yes, he’s in a very emotional state and sometimes you can’t brute force logic into the equation.
Or can you?
He doesn’t need yet another person who will pat him on the shoulder and assure him everything’s going to be alright. He doesn’t need yet another person to sugarcoat reality and beat around the bush.
I can guarantee you that’s what everyone else is already doing. Not me.
What he hasn’t heard, yet, is perspective from someone who is unafraid to put it all on the line and be totally honest. He hasn’t had his ass handed to him by someone who believes in being blunt and straightforward.
When I first came out to the Philippines to work with Empire Flippers, I had made a mistake on my first week there.
I got grilled. They laid into me and told me exactly what I did wrong. They weren’t shy about it and didn’t beat around the bush.
Honestly, I’ve never been more scared in my life. Here I was, a week into the job, and was already getting the most blunt verbal ass-whooping of my life.
When they asked me how I felt after our talk, I couldn’t help but smile, regardless of how much I was shaking both inside and out. I told them I was grateful they were so upfront and honest with me about my shortcomings.
I never made those mistakes again and I improved exponentially because of it.
You don’t do anyone favors by avoiding blunt truth. Everyone else in their lives is sugarcoating the truth. They’ve heard it over and over again. They’ve received the same clichés about how things will get better and how they have to keep their chin up.
No one told them why they need to snap out of it and focus on fixing themselves from the ground up. No one told them they have to move on so they can grab the next opportunity that presents itself.
So you have to be that person who will deliver the cold hard truth.
And it’s going to hurt a lot. It’ll be painful for the recipient (just as much for the messenger too.)
But one day, they’ll wake up and it won’t hurt anymore.
You will have played a vital role in their recovery.
VINCENT.. SORT IT OUT! 😀
I used to be the guy to pine over the impossible girl back in my youth. It is damaging – but I think it’s also a necessary emotion to experience in our development. These days I don’t see feedback and ‘truths’ as being good or bad – but as is. It’s only our opinion that makes them good or bad.
The world is just information – it’s up to us what we do with it 🙂
I’m trying! I’m trying! 🙂
Be careful. I know more people who are totally screwed up by what someone, somewhere along the line, told them as “their truth” when really it was subjective opinion. Like your Mom harping about how you should get a real job like a doctor or a lawyer. We both know better than that. B-)
Good point! I try to give my readers more credit by assuming they know where to draw the line when it comes to my articles. Hopefully they do when it comes to being brutally honest. 🙂
Oh jeez, don’t even get me started on the doctor/lawyer thing!
Some of you may remember a commercial where a guy gets slapped in the face with a wet hand (I think it was an advertisement for Aqua Velva.) The slapped guy pauses, ever so briefly, then smiles and says, “Thanks. I needed that.”
I’m feeling like that guy who has just been slapped. …and yes, I am smiling.
Hopefully neither of us will have to literally slap anyone. 🙂
Thanks for that post. it is so funny but I feel the same way about things yet I am considered to harsh. People have gotten so accustomed to people lying to them and what is even worse they enjoy being lied to.
Thanks for reminding me that I am not mean as some people tend to think. I do believe in honesty but in a kind way.
It’s all about tact and knowing when to be blunt. There are times where it may be inappropriate to lay it all out. You’ve got to read the situation.
We can all benefit from some feedback. It let’s us know we are human.
First we need to be open and willing to receive it.
Don’t waste your words on those who won’t listen.
Having people around you who can find the balance between when to speak their mind and when to keep silent and let you have your experience is v.i.p.
Yup, balance is what it’s all about. You don’t want a loudmouth friend who will just criticize all the time. You need someone with emotional intelligence who can determine when to hold their tongue and when to deliver honest feedback.