Here’s a fun idea!
Let’s be vulnerable for a second. Really get to know one another and see what’s behind the half-smirk.
We’ll go ahead and publicly admit what we hope no one ever figures out on their own: our biggest weakness.
Honestly, I have no idea how obvious mine is. No clue if all it takes is a few hours (or minutes) with me to realize, hey, I see what you’re hiding!
My biggest weakness is simple. I care way too much about what other people think of me.
Let’s rephrase that for accuracy. I care way too much about what everyone thinks of me.
It’s funny because I’ve had more than a handful of people remark that I seem to have a do what I want, don’t give a shit attitude. That’s exactly what I want people to think.
I want people to think of me as a superhero, doing exactly what I want all the time without the opinions of others influencing my actions.
I want to be that person who doesn’t put so much stock into how others may perceive me so I can get out of my own head and simply enjoy what’s around me.
But whether I’m fooling anyone or not isn’t the point. The fact I care way too much certainly affects my happiness.
There are many nights where I’m just having the time of my life and the moment I go to bed, I fall asleep with a huge smile on my face. Then comes the next morning where I reflect on the previous night and I suddenly remember a minor detail that may have made me look silly.
Did I shake everyone’s hands tight enough? Was I friendly? Did I make everyone laugh when I told that one joke about running an escort service? Oh crap, did they actually believe that I run an escort service?
Each of those lines have gone through my mind at least once with my worry being that the wrong answer would make others view me negatively.
Objectively, I know that it doesn’t matter what people think. Deep down I know you can’t win over everyone. And if I try to think about people who actually don’t like me, I realize their opinions don’t affect me anyway and I couldn’t care less.
I’m fully aware that sometimes I say the weirdest shit that could raise a few eyebrows. That’s actually something I really like about myself.
Despite all of that, I still concern myself with what others are thinking. My mind can be like a little toddler crying for attention, as if to scream “Notice me! Notice me! Like me! Like me!”
I’ve always heard that this goes away with age, but I’ve never been one for waiting for things to fix themselves.
Usually what gets me out of my own head and to move on past whatever’s bothering me is to ask myself if this will be something that’ll concern me a week or even a month from now. The answer is no at least 99% of the time and it helps me get on with my day.
If that doesn’t work, I think about all the people I’ve met throughout my life who I know for an absolute fact love me. That enough cheese for you?
It feels great to admit this out loud because I know I’m not the only one out there who struggles with this. Maybe we can read through each other’s answers and realize we’re not so different.
So tell me, what’s your biggest weakness and what’re you doing to improve it?
I’m bad for making good excuses not to do things that will make me successful.
I logic things to death until there’s no room left for dreams, and I defeat myself often before I start. Or, once I’ve started, I lose interest too quickly to ever harvest what I sow. Sometimes others reap it because I’m no longer there to collect.
I’m bad at focussing my energies in a way that will truly benefit me.
But I’m working on not thinking before acting. It has lead to some interesting experiences and great opportunities for growth. Thinking has been my enemy for the most part and as silly as it seems, taking a crazy leap of faith has brought me more positive change than any well laid out plan to this point.
Vincent Nguyen says
As a fellow overthinker, I know what you mean! The thing that helps me with this is to ask myself why I’m overthinking. Is it to give myself convenient excuses to avoid a potentially uncomfortable outcome?
Here’s an article I wrote a while back but it continues to be one of my favorites (expands on what we’re talking about): https://www.selfstairway.com/wondering-what-if/
Reading this was like seeing my inner voice talking to myself all over again.
I’ve been told multiple times I’m the strongest person people know and cone across as uber confident. On the inside I get so socially anxious it’s ridiculous. Similar to what you said my goal this year is to embrace my confidence and really secure my inner self confidence.
I’ve done some reading on strategic thinking as I find if I appeal to more logical approachs it’s more useful for me.
I started a 30 little steps self growth program with an awesome coach , Paul Bailey and studied Emotional Intelligence through Case Western Reserve University’s Coursera.
Favorite book so far has been The Prince by Niccolo Machiavelli. Next up is The Art of War
Thanks for sharing this, I feel a lot of people may actually have this supposed weakness in common
Vincent Nguyen says
Awesome, looks like you’re taking a lot of proactive measures! Best of luck. 🙂
I think that my biggest weakness is a lack of confidence, or shall we say too much humility sometimes. It’s been a lifekong process of learning how to be assertive, yet humble at the same time. I understand fri those I kniw who seem to have the right mix of assertiveness and humility, that it’s best to have a balance between the two. I’ll welcome any thoughts anyone cares to share from their perspective. Thanks, Mike.
Vincent Nguyen says
Interesting! Can you give me an example of a time when you struggled to balance the two or when you’re too humble?
Vincent ! 🙂 Thanks for putting this out there. This is exactly what I struggle with. Okay …so let me mimic the courage you have. I worry too much about what people think of me- and I want people to like me. There I’ve said it too. And let me hope it will set me off on the path to ‘something’ now. I read somewhere that when you accept your own frailties you give others the permission to do so too. Thanks Vincent.
Vincent Nguyen says
Yep, one of the biggest steps you can take is to cut the BS you feed yourself and admit you have a weakness. What’re you doing to curve the desire to be liked by everyone? Any actionable advice you can share with us? 🙂
Hi Vincent, I can totally resonate with you, there are times that I’m so concerned about the opinions of others but I realized that it should not be the case, true indeed that it will not matter a week from now, so I made it a point to just be myself, surrounded with people who love me and be happy. Thanks for sharing .Great read!
I find that lots of the time I worry about whether I’m doing the right thing when trying to speak to people, because some of the time, I feel like I honestly want to receive something from that conversation.
I understand that this is something that is downright stupid, not only because of the fact that those who are always seeking something deserve failure, but also because that setting expectations that are too high will result in being disappointed.
I feel that when it comes to it, I worry about how I’m not doing the correct thing and never get around to really fixing it, likely because I just don’t. Need to definitely work on that and just wanted to get this out there 🙂 Thanks for acknowledging the comment!