Is the Idea of “The One” Right for You?

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The One

The Idea of “The One”

I was sitting in the campus café with my friend as he recounted his mental checklist of what he is looking for in a woman; he listed qualifications for the ideal woman. The one person out of over 7 billion, the match made in Heaven just for him. I ridiculed his romanticism, but my beliefs don’t make it any less true for others looking for love.

He mentioned the protagonist Ted Mosby in “How I Met Your Mother,” a hopeless romantic who the audience knows eventually finds “the one” and falls in love. All I could think of was “500 Days of Summer,” with its much more realistically heartbreaking theme.

Perhaps I’m just cynical, but I think the idea of one out of 7 billion to be nonsense. I believe maybe there could be only one “type” that is out there for you, but statistically, there are probably thousands of this same type that would make you the happiest person on earth.

I think it’d sound silly, but maybe I can call these special types “the ones.”

My Journey for Love, Thus Far

Truthfully, I don’t think I’ve ever come across any of my special ones yet. No single girl has really wowed me, making me want to perform some sort of grand, romantic gesture to express my love for her.

Road to loveNo girl that I’ve met has made me want to bring together an entire orchestra dedicated just for her, while surrounding her in beautiful candlelight as we hold hands and be serenaded in the dimly lit room together.

I have yet to feel the urge to pull a Ted Mosby and steal a blue French horn.

None have made me stop and say under my breath “She’s the one” or “I love you.” Some have come close though, but still…

Perhaps one day there will come a time in which my breath is taken away.

Although, I’m actually very glad I haven’t met a girl of my dreams yet. Why you ask?

I’m not totally cynical to the idea of meeting the special other half. I’m glad because I’m not ready to meet her yet. This is one of the reasons why I practice constant self-improvement, because I’m not ready for love. The day I meet one of these amazing individuals that I find perfect (whether or not there’s more like her,) I want to be the best person I can be for her. I want to make her as happy as she will make me.

Maybe you’re searching for your love too. That means you should keep improving yourself for the day you meet him or her because if he or she’s perfect for you, make sure you’re perfect for him/her. Here are the things that I am trying to work on and things you can look out for in yourself as well.

Make Sure You’re Perfect for Them

You have to be able to be happy with yourself before you can rely on someone else to make you even happier. You have to be happy and content with who you are and what you have right now. Only then you can look to others to do the same.

Don’t rely on love to make you happy, because most likely it just won’t work out the way you want it to if you are 100% dependent on them for happiness. You have to be truly content with yourself, which is something I still work on daily.

I’m not quite there yet. There are still things I desire about myself that haven’t quite come to fruition yet. I feel like if I were to meet a girl who I’ve fallen in love for, I’d be too reliant on her to make me feel happy. I should be able to be happy on my own first.

Always Be There

As for me, I want to always be present for her. I don’t mean be clingy and by her side every waking minute of every day.

I don’t want my mind to be wandering all the time while I’m with her, which of course it wouldn’t be if I really like this girl. My mind has the tendency to not be completely there. Sometimes I forget how to stop worrying about everything.

I don’t want to always be worrying about my mistakes, regretting the missed opportunities, or thinking about the struggles of tomorrow. I want to be able to focus on the present and enjoy every second with her as it is happening in real-time. If she was one of my perfect types, this would probably be natural. It’d be love.

Be Sure

I also want to be able to make decisions without hesitation. When she asks me what we should have for dinner and she honestly has no idea, I want to assuredly give her an answer without taking forever. I want to know what I want and not have her deal with my indecisiveness.

If you’re similar to me and never quite know what you want, understand that it can be quite frustrating for others. Don’t make your perfect significant other put up with indecisiveness. Work on your decision-making.

I often leave things up to a coin flip if the decision isn’t too dire and it’s always fun to make predictions with someone else. In fact, just recently I’ve left a decision regarding a police officer up to a coin toss (long story).

Be Patient and Calm

Anger and impatience are my worst traits. I don’t want to be upset at her and get in arguments every other week. If she truly is one of the ones that are perfect for me, I can’t stand to have her see me angry with her so often and so I am not ready to meet her yet.

I’m working on it and I’m getting better, but it’s still there. I also practice patience and not to expect everything to go my way every time. It’s hard; writing this blog, for example, is difficult because it takes patience for ideas to come, words to flow, and to grow an audience, but I keep at it and hopefully I only get better.

Take Responsibility

I also want to stop blaming others for my sense of discontent. It’s too easy for anyone to point the finger and not take a look in the mirror. Am I happy with myself yet? It’s no one else’s responsibility but mine for my happiness.

It’s far too painful to admit that I’m at fault, but a day will come when acceptance is easier.

Learn to Enjoy the Simple Things First

Ah, the simple things. It’s easy to look back in hindsight and be at awe for how great the little things are, but how about realizing it in the moment of every day? If I can enjoy the simple things life has to offer, imagine how amazing the gift of her presence would bring me? I’d be overwhelmed with positive emotions, I may even explode and die right there on the spot from love overdose.

Reflect Upon Yourself

The things I’ve talked about above are very personal to me and reflect just the flaws and attributes I am currently working on. However, I still urge you to look to it and see if any of these resonate with you, even if you already found “the one.” You could be even better for your life partner.

Perhaps you also are an impatient and indecisive person. Maybe you aren’t exactly happy with yourself and are looking to someone else to fill the void. Work on making yourself happy first, then you’ll be ready to love.

Begin to want what you already have, it truly eases the desire for what you don’t have and makes you far happier than anyone else could.

Remember that life is a journey and once you meet someone that is perfect to share in that journey, you should be at your best. One day you will find love, regardless of whether or not they’re “the one” or just one of many that just happens to be what you’re looking for. Once you find that person, don’t let go and let them see how great you are.

By Jason Scanzoni

Photo by Jason Scanzoni

Question: Are you ready to meet “the one” yet?

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Vincent Nguyen is the author of Self Stairway. After landing his dream job with Empire Flippers, he dropped out of college and began living a location independent lifestyle (still always drawn to coffee shops though.) Don't worry, he still publishes every Monday and hasn't missed a single week since starting this site in January 2013.

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3 responses to Is the Idea of “The One” Right for You?

  1. The idea of “The One” is probably the most limiting concept I have ever witnessed. Just think how hard it would be to find her/him. :)

  2. This is great, thank you! Your honesty is refreshing

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